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Answer
The Bible does not provide a step-by-step guide for prioritizing family relationships. However, we can refer to the Scriptures to discover general principles for prioritizing our family connections. God should always come first: Deuteronomy 6:5 states, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (cf: Matthew 22:34-40 and John 13:34-35). Loving God with all our heart, soul, and strength should be our primary focus. Demonstrating commitment to God as a family can be shown through church membership and regular attendance, as Hebrews 10:25 suggests.
For married individuals, the next priority is their spouse. A husband is instructed to love his wife as Christ loved the church “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”, (Ephesians 5:25). Christ’s primary focus—after obeying and glorifying the Father—was the church. Therefore, a husband should prioritize God first, followed by his wife. Similarly, wives are called to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”, (Ephesians 5:22). This principle emphasizes that a woman’s husband should be second only to God in her list of priorities.
Considering that husbands and wives should come after God in our priorities, and recognizing that a husband and wife are considered one entity “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”, (Genesis 2:24).Hey two shall be one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31), it stands to reason that the result of the marriage relationship—children—should be the next priority. Parents are to raise godly children who will be the next generation of those who love the Lord with all their hearts (Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4), showing once again that God comes first. All other family relationships should reflect that.
Deuteronomy 5:16 tells us to honor our parents so that we may live long and so things will go well with us (see also Ephesians 6:1-4). No age limit is specified, which leads us to believe that as long as our parents are alive, we should honor them. Of course, once a child reaches adulthood, he is no longer obligated to obey them (“Children, obey your parents…”), but there is no age limit to honoring them. We can conclude from this that parents are next in the list of priorities after God, our spouses, and our children. After parents comes the rest of one’s family. “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” (1 Timothy 5:8).
Following one’s extended family in the list of priorities are fellow believers. Romans 14 tells us not to judge or look down upon our brothers (v. 10) or do anything to cause a fellow Christian to “stumble” or fall spiritually. Much of the book of 1 Corinthians is Paul’s instructions on how the church should live together in harmony, loving one another. Other exhortations referring to our brothers and sisters in Christ are “serve one another in love.” “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the
“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:13); “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”, (Ephesians 4:32); “Encourage one another and build each other up” “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.”, (1 Thessalonians 5:11); and “Consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.”, (Hebrews 10:24). Finally comes the rest of the world “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.”, (Matthew 28:19), to whom we should bring the gospel, making disciples of Christ.
In conclusion, the scriptural order of priorities is God, spouse, children, parents, extended family, brothers and sisters in Christ, and then the rest of the world. While sometimes decisions must be made to focus on one person over another, the goal is to not be neglecting any of our relationships. The biblical balance is allowing God to empower us to meet all of our relationship priorities, inside and outside our families.
