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The term “romance” is used to describe styles of literature, situations, and certain languages, such as French and Italian. However, for the purposes of this article, the term “romance” will be limited to the emotional excitement or attraction that a specific person or situation elicits in another. This type of romance is a popular subject in our culture. Music, movies, plays, and books all capitalize on our human fascination with romantic love and its seemingly endless expressions. In a Christian worldview, is romance good, bad, or somewhere in between?
The Bible has been referred to as God’s love letter to humanity. While it contains harsh imagery and warnings about God’s judgment, the Bible is also replete with creative expressions of love between human beings and God (Psalm 42:1-2;Jeremiah 31:3). Love and romance, though intertwined, are not synonymous. Romance can exist without genuine love, and love can be felt without romance. While passages like Zephaniah 3:17 depict God’s emotional love for His own, other passages such as 1 Corinthians 13:4–8 outline qualities of love that are unrelated to romantic emotions. Jesus stated, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down their life for their friends” «Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. », (John 15:13). Dying an agonizing death on a cross for ungrateful sinners was in no way romantic, but it was the ultimate expression of love (1 John 4:9-10).
The Song of Solomon is a book filled with romantic displays of love between a bride and groom. Because God included this book in the canon of His inspired Word, we can confidently state that rom
Romance is acceptable and even applauded by our Creator. Romance within a pure and committed relationship can enrich that bond and enhance the joy of marital love as intended by God.
However, pursuing romance solely for the sake of it can be detrimental. Many romantic relationships start with the exhilarating sensation of “falling in love,” which can be captivating. Falling in love triggers a surge of chemicals in the brain akin to those induced by drug use. Adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin flood the brain (the feel-good chemicals), prompting a desire to seek more of that sensation. Yet, due to our brain’s response, romance can turn into an addiction. Indulging in “emotional porn” like romance novels, chick flicks, and sexually charged TV shows sets unrealistic standards for our real-life relationships.
Studies suggest that the human brain can sustain that intense “in love” feeling for a maximum of two years. Ideally, a couple should focus on deepening their love and commitment during this period so that when the intense “in love” emotions wane, a profound love takes root. However, for individuals addicted to romance, this decline signals the need to seek another person who can evoke the same euphoria. Some individuals diagnosed with “relationship addiction” may actually be addicted to the emotions triggered by “falling in love,” constantly striving to recreate that sensation.
Considering this perspective, it becomes evident that love and romance are not always synonymous. The Bible provides various accounts of couples who encountered romantic love and the consequences of those romantic entanglements. In Genesis 29, we read about Jacob falling in love with Rachel. He was willing to labor for her father for seven years to win her hand in marriage. Verse 20 describes those seven years as “like a few days to him because of his great love for her.” Although Jacob’s narrative unfolds with deceit, heartbreak, and challenges for eveEveryone, his romance with Rachel is not condemned in Scripture. However, romance got Samson into trouble when he let his emotions rule him. Judges 14 details the beginning of Samson’s downfall when he let romance dictate his decisions rather than follow the Lord’s direction.
Romance can be either negative or positive depending on whether we let those emotions rule our lives. When we are pursuing our feelings, we can get into moral and marriage trouble. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” The popular saying “follow your heart” is terrible advice. When we follow the passions of our hearts, we are easily led into deception, sin, and regret. Instead of pursuing romance, we should pursue the Holy Spirit’s leading in our relationships. It is always wise to pursue love «Follow after charity, and desire spiritual gifts, but rather that ye may prophesy. », (1 Corinthians 14:1). Then, when in the pursuit of showing love someone special rises to our attention, godly romance can be a gift from our heavenly Father «Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. », (James 1:17).
