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Answer
The child who displays a rebellious streak may do so for various reasons. Parenting that is harsh, unloving, and critical will almost always lead to some form of rebellion. Even the most obedient child will resist—internally or externally—such treatment. Naturally, this type of parenting should be avoided. However, regardless of the parenting style a family adopts, a child may rebel.
If we assume that the rebellious child inherently possesses a strong-willed nature, they will exhibit a tendency to push boundaries, a strong desire for control, and a determination to defy all authority. Essentially, rebellion is a defining trait for them. Moreover, these strong-willed, rebellious children are often highly intelligent and can quickly assess situations, finding ways to take charge of their surroundings and the people in them. Dealing with these children can be an extremely challenging and draining task for their parents.
Thankfully, it is also true that God has created children as they are. He loves them and has not left parents without the means to face this challenge. There are biblical principles that guide how to handle a rebellious, strong-willed child with grace. Firstly, Proverbs 22:6 instructs us to “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” For all children, the right path leads to God. Teaching children from God’s Word is essential for their understanding of who God is and how to serve Him faithfully. With a strong-willed child, recognizing what drives them—the need for control—can greatly assist in guiding them on the right path. The rebellious child must grasp that they are not in control of the world—God is—and that they must follow God’s ways. This necessitates parents to firmly believe in this truth and live by it. A parent who themselves rebel against God is ultimately…will not be able to convince his child to be submissive.
Once it has been established that God is the One making the rules, parents must convey to the child that they are God’s instruments and will do everything necessary to carry out God’s plan for their families. A rebellious child must understand that God’s plan is for the parents to lead and the child to follow. There can be no weakness on this point. The strong-willed child can detect indecisiveness easily and will seize the opportunity to fill the leadership vacuum and take control. The principle of submitting to authority is crucial for the strong-willed child. If submission is not learned in childhood, the future will be marked by conflicts with all authority figures, including employers, police, law courts, and military leaders. Romans 13:1-5 clearly states that the authorities over us are established by God, and we are to submit to them.
Moreover, a strong-willed child will only willingly comply with rules or laws when they make sense to him. Provide a solid reason for a rule, consistently emphasizing the truth that we follow God’s ways and that this is non-negotiable. Explain that God has entrusted parents with the responsibility to love and discipline their children, and failing to do so would mean disobeying Him. Whenever feasible, involve the child in decision-making to avoid them feeling completely powerless. For instance, attending church is non-negotiable because God instructs us to gather with other believers «not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. », (Hebrews 10:25), but children can have a say (within reason) in what they wear, where the family sits, etc. Involve them in projects where they can contribute ideas, such as planning the family vacation.
Furthermore, parenting should be carried out with consistency and patience. Parents should strive not to raise their voices or hands in anger, or lose their tempers. This approach will provide the strong-willed child with the sense of control they crave, and they will quickly learn how to manipulate you by provoking you to an emotional response. Physical discipline often proves ineffective with these children because they derive pleasure from pushing parents to their limits to the extent that a little discomfort seems like a justifiable cost. Parents of strong-willed children frequently mention that their child laughs during spankings, indicating that spanking may not be the most effective disciplinary method for them. Perhaps nowhere in life are the Christian virtues of patience and self-control – “meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” – (Galatians 5:23) more essential than when dealing with a strong-willed or rebellious child.
Regardless of how challenging it may be to parent these children, parents can find solace in God’s assurance not to subject us to trials beyond our capacity to endure – “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” – (1 Corinthians 10:13). If God entrusts them with a strong-willed child, parents can be certain that He has not erred and will offer the guidance and support they require to fulfill their role. Perhaps in no other aspect of a parent’s life do the words “pray without ceasing” – “Pray without ceasing.” – (1 Thessalonians 5:17) hold more significance than when dealing with a strong-willed youngster. Parents of such children must dedicate a significant amount of time on their knees before the Lord.
Upon asking for wisdom, which He has promised to provide «If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. », (James 1:5). Finally, there is comfort in the knowledge that strong-willed children who are trained well often grow up to be high-achieving, successful adults. Many rebellious children have turned into bold, committed Christians who use their considerable talents to serve the Lord they have come to love and respect through the efforts of their patient and diligent parents.
