What does the Bible say about codependency?

Answer

Codependency is a mental health term for relationships in which individuals use each other to fulfill their emotional needs selfishly and destructively. Codependency is not a mental health diagnosis but a symptom linked to various psychological disorders. Initially, “codependent” was used to describe partners in substance abuse or abusive relationships. Nowadays, the term has expanded to encompass various harmful relationship patterns.

Codependency manifests in different ways, all sharing a common trait. These patterns center around what one person can gain from another by offering something in return. For instance, a parent might seek to control an adult child due to financial support. Another example is a friend avoiding addressing another friend’s drug use to maintain the relationship. At its core, these relationships focus on mutual use rather than unconditional love and genuine acceptance, stemming from inherent selfishness. Codependent individuals exploit each other for personal gain. Such relationships are detrimental as neither party is honest, both selfishly holding onto what they receive (money, sex, friendship, admiration, power).

A consequence of codependent relationship dynamics is prioritizing people over God. Codependents depend on each other for emotional and sometimes physical needs instead of self-care. They lack faith and trust in God’s provision, resorting to manipulation to fulfill their desires. Codependent individuals are often drawn to each other, perpetuating a dysfunctional cycle by telling each other what they want to hear, thus maintaining a false sense of security, despite the dysfunction.Chaos their choices are creating. Obviously, individuals who avoid telling the truth in love have difficulty recognizing their own sinful habits or the need for repentance.

Related to codependency are other issues such as pride, fear of man «The fear of man bringeth a snare: But whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe. », (Proverbs 29:25), and boundaries. Pride blinds us from seeing our true selves the way God sees us. While God loves us regardless of our sin, He has declared that we are 100 percent wicked and in need of a savior «And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God. », (Mark 10:18). That message offends our pride, which tells us we are basically good. Codependent individuals are loyal—in a destructive way—to their friends, so they support sinful or even illegal behavior. Through denial or idealization, codependents keep each other feeling that they are not the ones with the problem. Codependency is a way to keep the blinders on and ignore our sin.

The same is true with the fear of man. We want people to think highly of us. Many times, this results in people-pleasing behaviors to create a façade to hide the genuine, flawed self.

Finally, everyone needs healthy boundaries to maintain convictions and avoid being manipulated. However, codependent individuals don’t feel like a whole person and tend to mimic others or attach themselves to people to gain a sense of identity. This results in an inability to make their own choices because they want to preserve their dependent relationships. They also overstep others’ boundaries and try to control others rather than focus on themselves.

The Bible addresses these issues by telling us how we ought to relate to one another. One concept found in Scripture is interdependency, which is the state of being

Being mutually responsible to others while sharing a common set of principles is essential. In the case of a husband and wife, the Bible indicates that both spouses are dependent on each other for completion. Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Both Jesus and Paul quoted this verse, and these three elements—leaving, cleaving, uniting—are often cited by marriage counselors as the major principles of a biblical marriage. Other passages also demonstrate this interdependence of husband and wife: Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Timothy 5:8; and Proverbs 31:10-31. As each spouse fulfills his or her role, the other benefits. This is biblical interdependency, and it should be embraced, not avoided. The Lord’s emphasis on dependency is on service, not on self.

We also find the concept of interdependence concerning spiritual gifts: “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms” «As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. », (1 Peter 4:10). Both Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12 expand this teaching in the explanation of spiritual gifts. Ephesians 4:11-16 exhorts us to work with, depend on, and serve one another as the Lord has enabled us. In doing so, “the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” Hebrews 10:24-25 commands us to “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. . . . Let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Christian interdependence is vital to the body of Christ and its individual members. We are to love one another, avoid selfish ambition, and exercise the gifts of God for the benefit of others Bible verses (John 13:34-35; Romans 12:3-6; Philippians 2:3-4). This stands in stark contrast to the selfishness, dishonesty, and destructiveness of codependency.