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Answer
When inquiring about how to become a godly husband, one of the initial truths to acknowledge is that no one is inherently godly. Neither men nor women can fully embody all that God desires of them through their own efforts. Therefore, to be a godly husband or wife, it is essential to first submit our lives to the lordship of Jesus Christ. Being “godly” necessitates having God within us. When His Spirit resides in us, He enables us to lead godly lives (Galatians 2:20; Titus 2:12).
Philippians 2:3–4 establishes a groundwork for all godly relationships, including marriage: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” In marriage, this signifies that a husband and wife are no longer autonomous. Each has willingly yielded to the other the privilege of doing as they please whenever they please. This can be particularly challenging for men, especially if they have been single for an extended period. It might not occur to a man that his wife does not share his enthusiasm for spending weekends at football games or hunting cabins. However, this passage advises us to deliberately consider the emotions and perspectives of others, instead of presuming that they share our viewpoints.
First Peter 3:7 states, “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” The term “weaker vessel” has frequently been misinterpreted. It does not suggest inferiority, as the verse goes on to affirm that a woman is a joint heir with her husband. In the context of this verse, “weaker” indicates that a woman should not be treated as “one of the guys.” She is uniquely created, both physically and spiritually. “Understanding” is crucial. A husband mustTo study his wife, understand who she is, and make choices that showcase her strengths and beauty. Physical confrontation, verbal bullying, and emotional neglect have no place in a Christian marriage. Living with her in an understanding way means that a wise husband controls his own needs and desires so that hers are met. He does not belittle her, minimize her contributions to the family, or expect her to do what God has given him to do. Making the study of one woman a lifetime endeavor, he aims to become an expert at it.
Ephesians 5 further elaborates on the qualities of a godly husband. Verse 25 states, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This comparison with Christ and the church conveys a profound message. Husbands are called to demonstrate sacrificial, unconditional love for their wives, mirroring the way Jesus loves us, His bride, even when we are unruly, disobedient, and seemingly unlovable. Verse 28 emphasizes, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Men typically have no trouble loving their own bodies. Sexual fulfillment, physical strength, and other bodily needs often take precedence. God instructs husbands to prioritize their wives in the same manner as they do their physical needs. Jesus willingly endured abuse, humiliation, and need for the sake of His bride, the church. This serves as the model for husbands to emulate.
Christian wives seek godly leadership, not dictatorship. However, a man cannot lead where he has not gone. A leader takes the lead, paving the way, grappling with spiritual matters, and then presenting God’s guidance to his family. Sustaining a personal relationship with Jesus is essential for effectively leading a family spiritually. Men are held accountable by God for the spiritual and physical welfare of their families «But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. », (1 Timothy 5:8). Even if the wife may be better at teaching and leading, the husband should still be involved in teaching their children. He must lead by example in church attendance, Bible reading, prayer, and spiritual disciplines. It is challenging for a Christian wife to respect her husband in other areas when he has not been consistent in leading her spiritually.
Both single and married men can benefit from these qualities of a godly leader. A leader is:
• First a servant “But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.”, (Matthew 23:11)
• Teachable “Hear counsel, and receive instruction, That thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.”, (Proverbs 19:20)
• Filled with the Holy Spirit “Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of honest report, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business.”, (Acts 6:3)
• Enthusiastic about his role “with good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men.”, (Ephesians 6:7)
• A model of humility and forgiveness (1 Peter 5:6; Ephesians 4:32)
• Loving to those he leads (Matthew 5:46; John 13:34-35)
• Ready to admit his failures and areas where he needs growth “Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”, (Philippians 3:12)
More precisely, a man can develop into a godly husband by considering the following:
1. Does your schedule reflect that your family is a top priority in terms of time, energy, and focus?
2. Are you following the advice of 1 Peter 3:7 and genuinely getting to know your wife?
3. Are you taking the lead in guiding your wife spiritually by sharing what God is teaching you?
4. Are you attentive to your wife’s physical condition and sexual needs? These may differ from yours, and a godly husband acknowledges and respects that without sulking or attempting to “punish” her.
5. Are you sharing equal responsibility for the children? Even if your wife excels in certain aspects of parenting, your children are your joint responsibility. Your wife requires a partner who willingly shares the burden with her.
6. Evaluate your tone of voice. Have you developed a habit of being harsh, assigning blame, or subtly expressing disapproval?
7. Do you ever resort to physical or verbal abuse in any way? If you require assistance with managing your anger, seek help.
8. In areas where your wife is lacking, are you assisting her in growing rather than criticizing or shutting her down?
9. Are you a good listener? Wives need to open up about their feelings, and you must be the safest person for her to confide in.
10. Are you the protector of her heart, aspirations, and self-esteem? You cannot replace God in her life, but you can inspire her to deepen her relationship with God in a way that fulfills her deepest emotional needs in Him.
Men frequently gauge their worth by external factors, which are beyond their control. Wealth, fame, physical prowess, and authority are transient and fleeting. Nevertheless, a husband can opt to measure success by how well he has obeyed God’s directive to cherish his wife and lead his family. A contented wife is a reflection of her husband. While he is not accountable for his wife’s reactions, every husband can manage how effectively he is adhering to Jesus’ example in loving and guiding those entrusted to him by God.
