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Answer
First, we need to consider this verse within the context of the chapter. Jesus is instructing His disciples, and, like any effective teacher, He prompts His students to think critically. In this instance, He initiates with a challenging truth statement that may be difficult to grasp. Subsequently, He elucidates it with a metaphor. The truth statement is found in Luke 14:26, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” It appears that unless we have animosity towards our family, we cannot be followers of Jesus. However, is there more depth to this matter?
After stating that we must “hate” our father and mother, Jesus presents a metaphor about a man who starts constructing a house without first calculating the cost (Luke 14:28-30). The man realizes that he is unable to complete what he intended to do. Consequently, he abandons the unfinished house because he lacks the necessary resources. Jesus’ analogy clarifies His challenging statement regarding hating our parents—specifically, we must evaluate the cost of discipleship. There is a price to pay, and that is the essence of the passage.
To become a disciple, we must be prepared to sacrifice everything for Jesus. Following Jesus demands dedication and loyalty, even if our parents opt not to follow the path of the Lord. When confronted with the difficult decision of choosing between allegiance to family or allegiance to Jesus, we must opt for Jesus. Even if our family members reject us—or worse—for our Christian beliefs, we must remain faithful to Christ. It is in this context that we are “hating” our family. Jesus’ directive to “hate father and mother” necessitates us to prioritize our relationship with Jesus.
It is important for us to consider our relationship with our parents, siblings, and other family members.
Certainly, it is right to love our family members, and we desire them to love and follow God. Jesus also affirmed the fifth commandment that instructs us to honor our fathers and mothers (Mark 7:9-13). Additionally, Paul strongly cautioned that failing to provide for our relatives, especially those in our own household, indicates a denial of faith and is worse than being an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). When Jesus mentioned “hating” father and mother, it should be understood in the context of the entire Scripture. His message is not about being unfeeling towards our families but about prioritizing our love for Him.
It is crucial to remember that Jesus’ requirement for a disciple to “hate” his father and mother also includes hating “even his own life” (Luke 14:26, NAS). Jesus is not advocating for emotional hatred towards parents or self-hatred. The focus is on self-denial and complete surrender. Immediately after this, Jesus instructs us to “carry our own cross” (Luke 14:27, NLT).
Some other translations provide a clearer understanding of Jesus’ message: “If you want to be my disciple, you must love me more than your own family” (Luke 14:26, NAS). Jesus emphasizes the importance of prioritizing our relationship with Him above all else.-14-26″>(Luke 14:26, NLT, emphasis added), and the Amplified Bible states that a follower of Christ must “hate” his family members “in the sense of indifference to or relative disregard for them in comparison with his attitude toward God.” It is a “hatred” by comparison, not an absolute hatred.
The word hate in Luke 14:26 deserves a closer look. In the Hebrew Scriptures, the contrast between “love” and “hatred” is sometimes used to communicate preference. For example, in dealing with inheritances in polygamous marriages, the Mosaic Law referred to “two wives, one beloved, and another hated” «If a man has two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have borne him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son is hers who was hated: », (Deuteronomy 21:15, KJV). This is a good, literal translation. There was a “loved” wife and a “hated” wife. Other translations usually soften the “hated” wife to be “unloved” (CSB) or “less loved” (NET). The law was not indicating emotional hatred on the part of the husband, only preference. One wife was preferred over the other. We have a similar use of the love/hate idiom in Malachi 1:2–3 cf: Romans 9:13.
Many Christians will never have to make the painful choice of turning their backs on their family in order to follow Christ. But, around the world, there are many other Christians who face shunning, disowning, or persecution from their families. These believers, if they are to be true to Christ, are forced to live in a way perceived as “hateful” toward their “father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters” «If any man comes to me, and does not hate his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brothers, and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. », (Luke 14:26). All believers are called to acknowledge the lordshi
Follow Jesus Christ and prioritize Him over all earthly relationships. Those who are required to give up earthly ties are assured of this pledge: “Truly I tell you,” Jesus said, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and for the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life” (Mark 10:29-30).
