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As life expectancy rises, more families are facing the challenges that come with their aging loved ones. While many families may prefer to care for their elderly relatives themselves, the responsibility can become overwhelming, leading them to explore other alternatives. One common option in Western society is the nursing home. Nursing homes are designed to provide care for adults who are no longer able to care for themselves. Some individuals have significant concerns about the decision to place a loved one in a nursing home.
Nursing homes vary greatly in terms of quality, purpose, and cost. We have all heard news stories about abuse and substandard conditions in certain nursing homes, causing us to cringe at the idea of our loved ones being mistreated. However, abusive or neglectful nursing homes are the exception rather than the rule, and there are various excellent options available for those in need of care, including retirement homes with luxurious amenities comparable to high-end resorts. Some religious denominations operate their own retirement homes for elderly clergy, missionaries, and their partners. Therefore, the decision regarding nursing home care should consider the required level of care, the preferences of the individual in need, and the quality of the available facilities.
One crucial aspect to contemplate when evaluating nursing homes is God’s expectation for families. First Timothy 5:8 states that “anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Our primary responsibility is to ensure adequate care for those within our own households. This includes all individuals for whom we have familial obligations as designated by God. Children and spouses are the first tier of this responsibility. Parents constitute the second tier, followed by extended family members such as siblings and grandparents. Philippians 2:3 advises us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Instead, in humility value others above yourselves.”
Humility is valuing others above yourselves.” To truly value others, we must be willing to set aside our own desires in the best interest of those God has placed in our lives.
When a family decides to care for a sick family member at home instead of moving them to a nursing home, they face various considerations. Self-sacrifice is necessary to take on the daily physical care of a disabled family member, and the caregiver is not the only one making sacrifices. Other family members also bear a burden. Families differ in their ability to provide full-time care for a loved one. The need for such care may arise not only from aging but also from conditions like disease, brain injury, dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, coma, severe autism, and other factors. Families with severely disabled children, parents, or siblings may struggle to offer adequate care, or the overall family cost may be too high. When the well-being of the entire family is significantly affected by the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a disabled member, it may be time to consider other options prayerfully.
Nursing homes, retirement villages, and in-home nursing support all involve expenses. While insurance and Medicare may cover some costs, financial factors often influence the decision to opt for a nursing home. In Mark 7:9–13, Jesus criticized the Pharisees for using financial gifts to God as an excuse to neglect caring for their parents. From this rebuke, we understand that it is expected of dutiful children to care for their elderly parents, including providing financial assistance when necessary. It is unwise to donate all our resources to external charities and then have nothing left to support those who rely on us. Sacrificial giving should be balanced with prudence and our obligation to those under our care.
Another aspect to consider when determining if nursing home care is the best choice is the nature ofThe relationship with the loved one in question is crucial. A cherished grandmother, who has dedicated her best years to looking after the family, may receive better care in a relative’s home than a bitter, abusive father whose negativity impacts every household he enters. Our duty to respect father and mother remains constant, but respect can manifest in various ways «For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. », (Matthew 15:4). Ideally, adult family members willingly take on the caregiver role when a relative is unable to look after themselves. However, this may not always be feasible or advisable. Despite not being the family’s primary choice, a nursing home can still be a means to honor a incapacitated loved one when providing sufficient care at home becomes unfeasible.
