How should a Christian spouse handle an adulterous affair that has resulted in a child?

Response

Marriage is a sacred bond that unites a couple both spiritually and physically. Infidelity delivers a devastating blow that shatters the unity of marriage, often causing irreparable harm. This is particularly true when a child is conceived through adultery.

A parent’s obligation to their child is not dictated by the circumstances of the child’s conception. While bringing a child into the world through an adulterous relationship is unfavorable for all involved, it is crucial to recognize that the child is blameless and entitled to have both parents in their life.

The child conceived through adultery also has the right to love, protection, and provision. Children are a gift from God “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.”, (Psalm 127:3). The child should not be viewed as a curse, a symbol of sin, or in any way less valuable. While an adulterous affair stirs up intense emotions expressed in various ways, the child should not become the target of resentment or animosity.

If the wife chooses to stay with her husband despite his affair leading to a child, she must be willing to forgive the transgression. Similarly, if the husband opts to remain with his wife who is expecting another man’s child, he must also extend forgiveness. The Bible instructs Christians to forgive one another, just as God has forgiven us (Matthew 6:14-15). This entails deciding to set aside feelings of anger and jealousy.

Ideally, the wife whose husband has fathered a child with another person will be able to accept the child as a stepson or stepdaughter, even if the child does not reside in their home. She should not obstruct her husband from establishing a relationship with the child,Even though this might be painful for her, he has financial, spiritual, and emotional obligations to all his children. “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4).

Conversely, the husband whose wife bears a child by another man should strive to see himself as a stepfather—or even an adoptive father, depending on the living arrangements. Of course, every situation is different, and there are always legal, familial, and personal complexities. However, as believers seek to follow the Lord, their response to adulterous affairs must include measures of forgiveness, grace, love, and peace.

Adultery is a sin with the potential to break up families, but it need not be the end of a marriage. Instead, the couple should work even harder at rebuilding their relationship on the firm foundation of faith and obedience to Jesus Christ. Only the grace and mercy of God and strong faith in Christ will get a couple through this difficult situation. But grace, mercy, and faith are all gifts of God through the Holy Spirit, and they are available from God to those who truly seek to glorify Him.