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Response
The pain inflicted by a church can be likened to a “silent killer.” This does not imply that the words and actions that wounded and pained you are any less hurtful or public. It is termed a “silent killer” due to its profound impact on the psyche, emotions, and spirit of the injured individual. If left unaddressed, it can erode future happiness, joy, and well-being. Moreover, the resulting collateral damage can detrimentally affect the church’s ministry and outreach, sometimes leading to irreparable harm. It is crucial to acknowledge that the behavior causing such devastation in your heart is not vastly different from the pain experienced in other settings like the workplace, marketplace, or home. The distinction lies in the expectation that members of a faith community should exhibit Christ-like behavior. The church is universally perceived as a sanctuary that should offer safety, acceptance, forgiveness, and freedom from conflict and suffering. Nevertheless, in many churches, elements of discord, strife, and animosity manage to infiltrate and tarnish this ideal.
This phenomenon is more prevalent in certain churches than in others. The spiritual well-being of the congregation and the effectiveness of its leadership play a significant role in determining the pervasiveness and intensity of divisive conduct. When left unchecked, such behavior acts like a termite infestation, gradually corroding the spiritual foundation of the church.
It is essential to shift your focus away from the individuals and the church itself and pinpoint the underlying cause of your pain, turmoil, and disillusionment. Honestly acknowledge your emotions. Like most individuals, you may be experiencing feelings such as anger, sadness, disappointment, rejection, pain, envy, vulnerability, fear, defiance, pride, shame, embarrassment, or grief. Identify the root of your distress—not merely what was said or done to you, but the true source of your suffering. Then, turn to the Scriptures to seek God’s perspective on the matter. Utilize a Bible concordance to explore each term and discover what God’s Word reveals about them.nd read, think, pray, and apply the verse. For example, you may think that you are angry when in reality you feel rejected. What does God say about rejection? He says, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” «Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. », (Hebrews 13:5); “I have loved you with an everlasting love” «The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. », (Jeremiah 31:3); and, “Surely I am with you always” «teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.», (Matthew 28:20).
When you truly identify the root of your pain, God has a balm of wisdom, compassion, and love to heal your wounds. If you call on Him for help, your focus shifts to Him and off of other people and their actions. You will stop rehearsing the event that caused you harm. You truly may be harmed, injured, or offended. You certainly feel it. Those feelings are byproducts of deeper, more important realities that have derailed your passion for God, His church, and His purpose for your life. If left unattended, those feelings will lead to a root of bitterness that will negatively affect every fiber of your soul and rob you of your abundant life in Christ «The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. », (John 10:10). You do not want this to happen in your life.
How do we
How can we prevent hurtful experiences from causing harm to our souls? The book of wisdom from the Bible advises us to “guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” «Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.», (Proverbs 4:23, NLT). We protect our hearts by carefully selecting our thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions. Safeguard your heart by choosing not to dwell on past events, not to fixate on those who have caused you pain, and not to dwell on the shortcomings of the church. Letting go of bitterness requires humility, as “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6;Proverbs 3:34). It involves adopting forgiving attitudes and actions (Matthew 18:22;Mark 11:27;Ephesians 4:32;Colossians 3:13) without any desire for revenge «Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.», (Romans 12:19). Above all, it requires the Holy Spirit’s power to work within you and through you «that he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;», (Ephesians 3:16).
Do not blame God for the actions of His children. Do not forsake the church either. In most churches, there are more devoted, grace-filled, loving, and forgiving individuals than not. Seek them out. Spend time with them. If you cannot locate them, consider finding another church (it is uncommon not to find them even in challenging church environments). The church is God’s concept, anHe protects it faithfully even though He is sometimes pained by its behavior (see Revelation 2–3).
You can have hope because you are seeking healing from the Lord. It is now up to you to do the right thing and turn your focus to the Person who will truly transform your life above and beyond this hurt. Jesus promised, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
