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Response
Trying not to take offense is like attempting not to think about elephants. When someone says, “Don’t think about elephants,” we automatically think about them. If we concentrate on avoiding taking offense, we will continue to dwell on the offense. This principle applies to almost any sin a person can commit. When we focus on a behavior, even in an effort to eradicate it, the outcome is more of that behavior. This is simply how our minds operate. Fortunately, there is another, more effective way to tackle this issue.
People are tempted and led into sin as a result of desire—wanting is the inception of sinning «but every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. », (James 1:14). Every sin or negative behavior commences with desire. Desire itself is not negative; there are many positive desires. However, the desires that lead to sin are improper desires, desires rooted in distorted perspectives and misguided expectations about others and ourselves. To eliminate a negative behavior, we must first identify the desire behind it.
For many individuals, the inclination to take offense at trivial matters stems from a distorted view of security. We all crave security and safety; we seek the approval of others. We secure those approvals through performance: our actions, speech, attire, self-expression, and so on. When our sense of security is tied to our performance, we may feel threatened when someone makes a negative remark about us. The natural reaction to that threat is to take offense or become angry. Even a casual, careless, or offhand comment can eat away at us and disrupt our peace. The key to avoiding taking offense is to address our craving for security. As long as feelings of security are self-centered, the tendency to take offense, even at minor things, will persist. However, if our feelings of security are instead based on aWhen our thoughts are not rooted in ourselves or our performance, our perspective will change, and our response to the actions and comments of others will become more balanced.
Remember the acronym COP.
Cover. Twice in the book of Proverbs, we are told to “cover” offenses (Proverbs 10:12; Proverbs 17:9). The act of covering an offense is linked to love. First Peter 4:8 says, “Love covers over a multitude of sins”—and that “multitude” would have to include small slights. In any relationship, there are many irritating things that should simply be “covered” for the sake of love. By covering an offense, or not disclosing it to others, we are empathizing with the offender and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they did not mean what they said; perhaps we misunderstood. Maybe the offender was having a bad day or wasn’t thinking clearly. Covering the offense of another also benefits us. Remember the elephant? When we focus on the needs of the person who offended us, we no longer dwell on how offended we feel.
Overlook. “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11). Forgiveness is an honorable act. When you cover an offense, you offer grace and empathy to the offender. By overlooking an offense, you choose to give something valuable to yourself—the reminder that your security is not based on others’ opinions of you but on the security you have in Christ (see Ephesians 1:5-7).
Pray. Jesus told His disciples on multiple occasions that if they prayed for anything in His name (or according to His will), they would receive what they asked for. Do you believe that God wants
Do you tend to be angry with others or forgiving of them? Do you believe that your security lies in Him rather than in yourself? If you pray consistently, asking Him to help you not take offense, He will answer that prayer. If you ask Him to remind you of His secure and steadfast love, He will answer that prayer. You can confidently pray for help in every offending situation «Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.», (Hebrews 4:16).
In Bethany, as Jesus was reclining at a table, a woman entered the room with an alabaster jar of fine perfume. The woman broke the container and anointed Jesus’ head with the fragrant ointment «And being in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he sat at meat, there came a woman having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard very precious; and she brake the box, and poured it on his head. », (Mark 14:3). Immediately, she was criticized; in fact, “they rebuked her harshly” (verses 4–5). The woman could have taken offense at their words. It would have been natural for her to react in kind. But she didn’t have to. Jesus came to her defense: “Leave her alone” (verse 6). The woman’s love for Christ and her meek response to an offense were honored, and “wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her” (verse 9).
In summary, when we take offense, it is because someone has hurt us or frightened us. God has given us two ways to deal with the offense. First, by remembering that the other person also has things that hurt and frighten him. When we love the offender and focus on his needs (cover and overlook), we will no longer notice the offense. Second, by remembering that when we belong to Christ, we are fundamentally secure in Him; we do not need to react.and defend ourselves because He has promised to defend us (Isaiah 35:3-4). When we struggle to trust Him or to believe that we are secure in Him, all we need to do is pray for the strength to do so, and we know that He will answer (John 14:13-14).
