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Answer
The phrase “forgive and forget” is not found in the Bible. However, there are numerous verses commanding us to “forgive one another,” for example, Matthew 6:14 and Ephesians 4:32. A Christian who is not willing to forgive others will find their fellowship with God hindered «but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. », (Matthew 6:15) and can reap bitterness and the loss of reward (Hebrews 12:14-15;2 John 1:8).
Forgiveness is a decision of the will. Since God commands us to forgive, we must make a conscious choice to obey God and forgive. The offender may not desire forgiveness and may not ever change, but that doesn’t negate God’s desire that we possess a forgiving spirit «But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; », (Matthew 5:44). Ideally, the offender will seek reconciliation, but, if not, the one wronged can still make a decision to forgive.
Of course, it is impossible to truly forget sins that have been committed against us. We cannot selectively “delete” events from our memory. The Bible states that God does not “remember” our wickedness «For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, And their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more. », (Hebrews 8:12). But God is
Still all-knowing, God remembers that we have “sinned and fall short of the glory of God” «for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; », (Romans 3:23). But, having been forgiven, we are positionally (or judicially) justified. Heaven is ours, as if our sin had never occurred. If we belong to Him through faith in Christ, God does not condemn us for our sins « There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. », (Romans 8:1). In that sense, God “forgives and forgets.”
If by “forgive and forget” one means, “I choose to forgive the offender for the sake of Christ and move on with my life,” then this is a wise and godly course of action. As much as possible, we should forget what is behind and strive toward what is ahead «Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, », (Philippians 3:13). We should forgive each other “just as in Christ God forgave” «and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.», (Ephesians 4:32). We must not allow a root of bitterness to spring up in our hearts «looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; », (Hebrews 12:15).
However, if by “forgive and forget” one means, “I will act as if the sin had never occurred and live as if I don’t remember it,” then we…
One can run into trouble. For instance, a victim of rape can choose to forgive the rapist, but that does not mean she should act as though that sin had never occurred. Spending time alone with the rapist, especially if he is unrepentant, is not in line with Scripture. Forgiveness entails no longer holding a sin against a person, but it is distinct from trust. It is prudent to take precautions, and sometimes the dynamics of a relationship will need to change. “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” «A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: But the simple pass on, and are punished.», (Proverbs 22:3). Jesus instructed His followers to “be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves” «Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.», (Matthew 10:16). When it comes to associating with unrepentant sinners, we must be “innocent” (willing to forgive) while also being “shrewd” (cautious).
The ideal scenario is for the offender to genuinely repent of the sin and for the offended party to forgive and forget. The Bible informs us that true repentance will lead to a change in actions (Luke 3:8-14;Acts 3:19) and that love does not keep a record of wrongs «doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;», (1 Corinthians 13:5) and covers a multitude of sins «And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.», (1 Peter 4:8). However, changing hearts is God’s
In the realm of business, it is prudent to restrict the amount of trust bestowed upon an individual until they have undergone a genuine, profound transformation of the heart. Exercising caution does not imply a lack of forgiveness. Rather, it acknowledges our human limitations and our inability to discern the true intentions of others.
