Is it possible to marry the wrong person?

Answer

There are several perspectives to consider regarding this question. Stating that we have married the “wrong” person may suggest that there is only one “right” person destined for us to marry. If we end up marrying the “wrong” person, we might fear that we have disrupted God’s plan for our lives. There could be a temptation to try to “fix” our mistake in ways that do not align with God’s will. It is true that we can make incorrect choices in marriage and disregard God’s guidance in selecting a spouse. Nevertheless, when we acknowledge God’s sovereignty, it is not possible to marry the “wrong” person. God has a purpose for our lives and can redeem our mistakes, ultimately turning them into something good «And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. », (Romans 8:28). Once we are married, we are called to strive to make our marriage one that honors the Lord. Regardless of whether a specific spouse is deemed the “wrong” choice, marriage is a covenantal bond. God has the power to transform even the most challenging marriages into relationships that bring Him glory.

From a biblical standpoint, a Christian should seek to marry another believer who shares a similar dedication to following the teachings of the Lord Jesus. Entering into a marriage with an unbeliever is not in line with the believer’s principles «Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? », (2 Corinthians 6:14). Therefore, if a Christian marries a non-Christian, they have indeed chosen the wrong partner by going against God’s desires.

There are various other ways to end up with the wrong spouse. For instance, marrying an individual who is abusive, immature, selfish, or codependent will likely lead to problems.Problems. Marrying someone who has untreated addictions or is living in unrepentant sin is also an unwise choice.

What are some reasons that people marry the wrong person? Some step into toxic situations with the mistaken belief that the power of their love alone will change the other person into someone who is not abusive, immature, selfish, or codependent. Some are blinded by the initial attraction to a mate and fail to realize the issues in their relationship. Others are manipulated by someone who appears to be one way before marriage and then suddenly changes course. Other cases involve couples who simply are not prepared for marriage. They underestimate the sacrifice required to live with another person. Undoubtedly, the reasons for marrying the wrong person vary in each case and are unique to the couple.

Culture also plays a role in influencing people to marry the wrong person. Many societies have depicted marriage as a temporary arrangement that can be adjusted or abandoned at will. Since ending a marriage is not a significant issue in some cultures, neither is entering into it. Far too many individuals recite their vows without a genuine commitment to their spouse or to God. In numerous parts of the world, a fantasy is promoted that marriage should fulfill all our needs—emphasizing meeting one’s own needs rather than those of one’s spouse. Common belief suggests that, when a couple’s marriage is tested or when one spouse feels unmet needs, they should simply get a divorce—and laws in many places make divorce quite simple. Instead of resolving their issues, many struggling couples conclude that they no longer love each other and terminate the marriage.

Once a person realizes that he or she has married the wrong person, what next? First, if a believer has willfully disobeyed God’s instructions in 2 Corinthians 6:14, confession of sin to God is necessary. Then the forgiven sinner should strive to make the best of the situation and bring healing to the relationship (see 1 Corinthians 7:12-14; Ephesians 5:21-33). If the situation poses a threat to either spouse or the children involved, separation may be necessary. Seeking wise counsel from a pastor or marriage counselor is crucial. While the Bible permits divorce in specific situations, it should not be the initial recourse. Nothing is impossible with God “For with God nothing shall be impossible.” (Luke 1:37), and He can bring beauty from despair “to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:3). A Christian who erred in choosing a spouse may discover that God can transform a troubled marriage into a fulfilling one (see 1 Peter 3:1-2). The power of God can change the “wrong” person into the “right” one.

How can one avoid marrying the wrong person? Benjamin Franklin’s famous advice, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards,” is wise counsel (Poor Richard’s Almanac, June 1738). However, it is even more beneficial to prioritize seeking God’s kingdom and His righteousness first “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33). Some individuals focus on finding a spouse first, neglecting righteousness. Singles should concentrate on becoming the person God intends them to be and commit to dating only fellow strong, growing Christians.To avoid errors, it is essential to pay attention to the verse «But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it. », (Luke 11:28), seek wise advice, pray for insight «If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. », (James 1:5), and be truthful with God and others.