Can/should a Christian who is a virgin marry someone who is not a virgin?

Answer

The optimal scenario for a Christian marriage is, of course, when both individuals are virgins, recognizing that marriage is the sole acceptable context for sexual intimacy in God’s view. However, we do not inhabit a perfect world. Frequently, an individual brought up in a devout household and committed to faith from a young age desires to wed someone who found salvation in their 20s or 30s, bringing into the Christian marriage a past characterized by worldly standards. Although God removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west when we approach Him in repentance and faith in Christ “As far as the east is from the west, So far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”, (Psalm 103:12), people tend to have long memories, and disregarding someone’s past may prove challenging. The inability to pardon and forget the past errors of one of the marital partners will undoubtedly have a negative impact on the marriage.

Prior to entering into matrimony with an individual who has a history of sexual experiences, it is essential to comprehend that salvation and absolution of sins are bestowed upon us through grace. “By grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). As we start to grasp the true meaning of being forgiven, we begin to perceive how much He must love us through God’s perspective, which aids us in forgiving others. Forgiveness entails releasing the other person’s past and viewing them as a new creation “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”, (2 Corinthians 5:17). Christ sacrificed for their sins, and the potential spouse must now decide if the memory of their past actions will hinder the growth of the relationship.That sin can be lived with. This is where doctrine moves from the theoretical to the practical.

In matters of forgiveness, it always helps to see our own pasts in God’s eyes. Sexual sin is certainly grievous to God, but so are lying, cheating, bad thoughts, drinking/smoking too much, impatience, pride, and unforgiveness. Who among us is without sin and can “cast the first stone”? Before coming to Christ, each of us is “dead in transgressions and sins” and is made alive only by God’s grace (Ephesians 2:1-5). The question is can we forgive others as Christ forgave us? Completely and from the heart? Being able to do so is a mark of a true Christian. Jesus said if we don’t forgive, neither will God forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). He did not mean that forgiving others is a way of procuring God’s forgiveness, which we know is by grace alone, but that a forgiving heart is a sign of the presence of the Holy Spirit in the heart of a true believer. Continued unforgiveness is a sign of a hard, unregenerate heart.

Before entering into a marriage with a non-virgin, much thought, prayer, and introspection are in order. James 1:5 tells us that if we seek wisdom, God will grant it freely to all who ask. Speaking with a godly pastor and being involved in a Bible-teaching church will help in the decision-making process. Some churches have excellent pre-engagement classes. Also, talking freely and openly with the potential mate about these things may reveal things in both parties’ pasts that need to be addressed and forgiven.

Marriage is a challenge in the best of circumstances and takes a lot of work to make it successful. Both partners need, and deserve, to be loved unconditionally. Ephesians 5 describes the roles of both husband and wife in marriage, but the passage begins with the overriding principle for both: “Submit to one another out of reverence for C«submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. », (Ephesians 5:21). Willing sacrifice and the strength to choose to be a servant to the betterment of the marriage are the marks of a maturing spiritual man and woman who honor God. Wisely choosing a spouse based on biblical qualities is important, but of equal importance is our ongoing spiritual growth and our surrender to God’s will in our lives. A man who is seeking to be the man God wants him to be will be able to help his wife be the woman God desires her to be and, despite their pasts, they will be able to build their marriage into a God-honoring union that delights them both.