Is it wise for Christian teens to be dating?

Response

To discuss teenage dating properly, it is essential to clarify the concept of dating. Nowadays, some people equate dating with engaging in sexual activities. Defined in this manner, no Christian teenager or individual of any age should be involved in “dating,” as it is never appropriate for unmarried individuals to engage in sexual relations. For the purpose of this article, dating will be defined as “socially meeting someone of the opposite sex to spend time together and get to know each other.” Dating can be casual or serious, leading to romance or both parties going their separate ways.

When considering the wisdom of Christian teenagers dating, it is important to establish the objective of dating. Dating is a relatively modern Western concept that evolved from the traditional practice of courtship. The purpose of courtship was to determine if a young man and woman liked each other enough to contemplate marriage. Courtship involved the entire family and always included a chaperone. In an era when marriage often took place at a younger age, typically in the late teenage years, courtship served as an effective method for selecting a life partner.

In today’s society, most teenagers are not emotionally mature enough to consider marriage. Factors such as educational pursuits, financial constraints, and prolonged adolescence work against the idea of early marriage. Therefore, dating exposes teenagers to significant emotional, physical, and psychological stress before they are ready to cope with it. If marriage is not a near possibility, then why engage in dating? The likelihood of a positive outcome is minimal. In cases of unreciprocated love, teenagers must cope with heartbreak, feelings of rejection, and distractions at a time when they should be focusing on their education and personal growth. If the affection is mutual, what are two teenagers supposed to do? Two sixteen-year-olds who are “in love” but unable to marry for several more years are at risk of crossing boundaries and establishing intimate connections that may lead to unintended consequences.

Experiencing more heartaches and deeper problems.

When evaluating the wisdom of teenage dating, we should consider how many of society’s ills have links to teen dating and sexual experimentation: abortion, single parenthood, poverty, STDs, suicide, low-income wage earners, AIDS, rape, and school dropout rates. How many of those problems might be greatly reduced if teenagers delayed romantic involvement until they were out of high school?

When Christian teens are grounded in moral values and see dating as a way to learn about the opposite sex, the danger diminishes. Through dating, they can discover characteristics in others that they like and dislike, gathering information for the time when they will select a spouse. They keep their dating relationships casual and involve friends and family in their times together. They limit physical displays of affection and have clear boundaries on such activity. They have an open, honest relationship with their parents, and the parents know their teens can be trusted. When all those factors are in place, Christian teens may be able to navigate the dating years without collateral damage to their bodies and souls.

As Christian parents determine how wise it is for their teens to be dating, they should consider the culture in which their teens live: pornography exposure is at epidemic proportions, cultural boundaries are nearly obsolete, and peer pressure and expectations pull teenagers away from biblical values. Is it wise or reasonable to subject impressionable teenagers to the adult situations that one-on-one dating creates? We as adults find it difficult to maintain godly standards when emotions are involved, so why would we assume inexperienced and vulnerable children have the strength and wisdom to do so? Teens are children, after all, and they need to be protected from situations beyond their understanding and self-control.

As Christians, our goals are different from the world’s goals «Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstainFrom earthly desires, which are in conflict with the soul; », (1 Peter 2:11), and our life choices should be distinctive. We must not permit our decisions to be influenced by a society that ridicules biblical principles. Our children are precious blessings entrusted to us by their Maker «Behold, children are a heritage of the LORD: And the fruit of the womb is His reward. », (Psalm 127:3). God holds us accountable for how effectively we impart His truth, reflect His heart, and shield our children from the adversary (Ephesians 6:4;Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Until our adolescents have internalized the teachings we have given them and are making wise choices independently, we should be cautious about allowing them to date individually.

So, is it prudent for Christian teenagers to engage in dating? All things considered, the most sensible approach is to raise children with an understanding of the purpose of dating and with the belief that postponing romantic relationships until marriage is a choice that will spare them a multitude of heartaches. Yielding to external pressures, teenage impulsiveness, or inexperience is not the way to raise children. Wise Christian parents acknowledge that, even if their values are not always embraced, they are what is best for their children. Teenagers who willingly heed the advice of their parents will avoid many of the snares that trap their peers.