Should Christians be in cliques?

Answer

Webster’s defines a clique as “a small group of people who spend time together and who are not friendly to other people.” The first half of that definition describes perfectly normal and acceptable behavior; the second half, not so much. People naturally gravitate toward others who are similar to them and, sometimes without realizing it, form a clique. When we find someone with the same interests, same sense of humor, and a similar worldview, we want to spend more time with him or her. We enjoy being around people who validate our own perspectives and personality. But the Bible tells us to love everyone as we love ourselves «For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. », (Galatians 5:14), including those who are different from us.

Cliques are often associated with the immature behavior of children in school, but some churches also have a reputation for being “cliquish.” Certain denominations tend to foster that culture more than others, and the attitude of the congregation is often a reflection of the leadership. A pastor who is open, humble, and eager to connect with everyone often leads a church filled with people of the same attitude. However, pastors who consider themselves above the common worshiper or who isolate themselves within a tight circle of a select few can unknowingly inspire their congregants to do the same. First Peter 5:5 warns us about such attitudes: “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.’”

We cannot help but gravitate toward people who make us feel comfortable and accepted. C. S. Lewis famously stated that “friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” When we find several people with whomWe may prefer the company of those we have experience with over those we are unfamiliar with or don’t particularly enjoy being around. Making new friends can be awkward and uncomfortable, leading us to gravitate towards familiar faces and potentially forming a clique. This can result in a closed circle of friends, excluding others who attempt to join.

In a church setting, the existence of cliques can have a negative spiritual impact on new members and especially on weaker believers. James 2:1 instructs believers not to show favoritism based on factors such as financial status, popularity, appearance, lifestyle, or personal background. It is crucial for believers to recognize and eliminate any tendencies towards favoritism within themselves. By acknowledging our biases before God, we take a step towards overcoming them, as change cannot occur without acknowledgment.

There is a notion that Jesus belonged to a clique, as He predominantly spent time with Peter, James, and John (Mark 5:37). While Jesus had numerous disciples (John 6:60), He specifically chose twelve apostles (Matthew 10:1). Although Jesus interacted with many, He shared profound spiritual moments primarily with a select few.

Experiences with only those closest to Him, but does that constitute a clique?

Healthy people recognize that there are many levels of relationships, and not all people deserve the same level of trust. Jesus’ life demonstrated the perfect balance in relationships. He had a small inner circle of trusted friends, but He did not spend all His free time with them alone. His life was consumed with interacting, blessing, teaching, and serving everyone who came to Him, and He taught His disciples to do the same (Matthew 4:23; Matthew 12:15; Luke 20:1). Jesus gave selflessly without allowing others to take what He was not ready to give. Even His very life was not taken from Him, but He gave it willingly «No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father. », (John 10:18). But we cannot spend all our moments giving. Healthy people know the difference between those they serve and those who help them carry the burden of serving, and they spend appropriate amounts of time and energy with each group.

A circle of close friends may not necessarily be a clique. They may be people who have found comrades to help carry their burdens. If they are also invested in serving others, giving selflessly to those who cannot give in return, then they may need that inner circle as a relief from the pressure of constant giving, just as Jesus did. Those in full-time ministry especially need key people they trust with whom they can simply be themselves without the constant demands and pressure to serve. Those not in this circle of friends may view it with jealousy and call it a clique, not realizing that everyone—including ministry leaders—needs a few trusted friends.

While it should be the goal of every Christian to be open and welcoming to all, it is also important to have a close circle of friends for support and companionship. Jesus Himself demonstrated the importance of having a small group of trusted friends while also ministering to the masses. It is about finding a balance in relationships and understanding the different levels of trust that exist among various individuals.To emulate Christ and nurture altruistic empathy for all, fostering intimate friendships is crucial. Nonetheless, should this inner circle start shutting out other possible companions deliberately, it could turn toxic. If the exclusiveness of a church clique is leading to harm or discord among fellow believers, the group ought to contemplate reorganizing to steer clear of being labeled as an exclusive clique.