Is it a sin to elope?

Answer

To elope is to run away secretly; in the context of marriage, elopement results in a wedding, usually performed without parental consent. Eloping is not the same as having a private wedding. Elopement usually, but not always, implies something of the forbidden as the reason for secrecy. In recent years, the term elope has evolved to mean “to plan a small destination wedding or one in which the guest list is strictly limited.” However, for the purposes of this article, we will define elopement as “the act of running away to get married secretly,” and we will consider whether the Bible has anything to say about it.

Customs have changed over the centuries and still differ from culture to culture. In man’s earliest history, a bride and groom simply chose one another and began a new household «and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. », (Genesis 2:22). But, as people increased upon the earth, this formation of a new family was cause for celebration. The first hint in Scripture of a marriage custom is when Abraham sent his servant back to his home country to find a wife for his son Isaac (Genesis 24:3-4). The servant asked the Lord to direct him to the right girl, and he found Rebekah (Genesis 24:5-51). Her family allowed her to make the decision, and she agreed to return with the servant and become Isaac’s wife (Genesis 24:57-58). Nothing is said of a wedding. She merely followed a stranger to a faraway land and became the wife of a man she had never met.

Another glimpse of marriage customs is when Jacob ran away from his angerMy brother, Esau «And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob. », (Genesis 27:41), to his mother’s people. Upon reaching his uncle Laban’s house, Jacob immediately fell in love with his cousin Rachel «And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter. », (Genesis 29:18). Laban demanded that Jacob work for seven years as the bride price for Rachel «And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. », (Genesis 29:20). Jacob accepted this arrangement—he did not elope with Rachel—but on the wedding day, Laban switched brides and gave Jacob his elder daughter, Leah, instead, stating, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one” «And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. », (Genesis 29:26). Therefore, wedding traditions were already established at that time, indicating that elopement was not customary.

God instituted marriage. In the Garden of Eden, He presented Eve to Adam and united them as husband and wife in the first wedding (Genesis 2:21-24). Marriage has always been highly significant to God and is deserving of celebration. One reason He detests divorce is that the Lord Himself is a witness to every marriage «Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. », (Malachi 2:14).Teacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.” , (Malachi 2:14). In Jesus’ day, weddings were grand celebrations, often lasting for more than a week with feasting and dancing. The concept of elopement would have been unfamiliar to such a society.

Elopement implies a degree of disapproval from the families. The typical reasons for eloping are to avoid embarrassment if the bride is already pregnant, to circumvent parental disapproval, or simply to evade all the excitement surrounding most wedding ceremonies. However, many couples who have eloped later regret the absence of photographs and memories. They often feel they deprived their friends and families of the opportunity to participate in their special day. Because elopement usually excludes parental involvement, it appears to contradict the Bible’s repeated commands to honor father and mother (Ephesians 6:2;Exodus 20:12).

There may be circumstances in which a Christian couple desires to marry, but, if their parents are part of a false religion or the parents wish to marry off their child to someone else, the couple may view elopement as their sole option. However, decisions like that should only be made when all other efforts to reason and appeal to the parents have been exhausted.

Due to the emphasis on wedding festivities throughout the Bible, elopement does not seem to align with God’s preference for couples who marry. The church is likened to a bride, and Jesus is the Bridegroom (Mark 2:19-20;2 Corinthians 11:2). Every reference to this future union is depicted as joyful, beautiful, and public, not secretive. All references to weddings throughout biblical history involved significant celebration and honor for the families coming together. Although elopement is not a sin in itself, it is not in accordance with the biblical principles of honoring family and celebrating union.

Before eloping, a couple should carefully consider the reasons for their decision. If the motivation involves rebellion, defiance, or shame, eloping may exacerbate the situation. Marriage is too significant to commence in such a manner. It merits the dignity of a celebration.