Absalom tell Joab, “You know wat?! I wen sen guys fo tell you, ‘Go come hea fo me sen you by da king fo aks how come I wen come ova hea from Geshur. Cuz mo betta fo me if I wen stay Geshur side!’ Now, I like go in front da king. If I get da blame fo someting, let um kill me!”
Da time I, yoa worka guy, wen live Geshur town, Aram side, I wen make dis strong promise: ‘Da One In Charge, if you take me back fo live Jerusalem side, I goin go down in front you an show you respeck Hebron side.’ ”
Joab tell, “I no goin wase time lidis fo you.” So he grab three short spear, an go poke Absalom inside da ches wen Absalom still yet stay alive an stay hang from da oak tree branches.
Befo time, wen Absalom still yet stay alive, he put up one big pos inside King Valley fo da peopo no foget him. Cuz he tink, “I no mo one boy dat can come king an make erybody no foget me.” Az why he name da pos fo him, an da peopo call um da Absalom Monument till today.
Da king come all bum out, cuz den he know Absalom mahke. He go up inside da room ova da town gate an cry plenny. Wen he stay going, he tell, “Bummahs! My boy, Absalom! My boy, my boy, Absalom! Mo betta I wen mahke, an not you! Bummahs! My boy, my boy, Absalom!”
Numba Two, Kileab, his muddah Abigail, Nabal widow from Carmel. Numba Three, Absalom, his muddah Maakah, an her faddah Talmai, da king fo Geshur nea Syria.
Dat time, King David boy Adonijah (Haggit his muddah) go aroun ack big fo come King. He talk: “I goin come King!” Az why he go get war wagons an army guys dat ride horse. He get fifty guys fo run in front him wen he come inside one street, so erybody know Adonijah stay come.
From small kid time, weneva Adonijah do bad kine stuff, dat no bodda King David. King David neva aks “How come you stay do dat?!” Cuz David neva like make his boy feel bad. Adonijah one real good looking guy too. He da nex boy dat was born afta Absalom.
King Solomon tell his muddah, “Wot! How come you aks me fo let Abishag da Shunam wahine marry Adonijah?! Jalike you stay aks me fo make him da King! Cuz he my older braddah. O same ting jalike you aks me fo make Abiatar da Main Pries, an Joab Zeruiah boy da main army guy!”
Dese David boys dat wen born fo him inside Hebron: Da firs boy fo born was Amnon, Ahinoam boy, az Ahinoam from Jezreel. Da boy numba two was Daniel, Abigail boy. Abigail from Carmel.