What should I look for in an accountability partner?

Answer

Many churches promote accountability. An accountability partner is a Christian who pairs up with another for the purpose of mutual edification and encouragement to avoid sinful behaviors. They hold each other “accountable”; meaning, they truthfully report to each other, and each of them considers themselves responsible to the other. While the Bible does not explicitly mention this practice, accountability partners can be advantageous when they fulfill the directive of James 5:16, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” We can derive some principles from Scripture regarding selecting an accountability partner.

There are biblical principles to adhere to when establishing any close relationship. The first of these is the instruction to be “equally yoked” with anyone we form a partnership with, “for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” «Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? », (2 Corinthians 6:14). We should not team up with unbelievers—neither in marriage, nor in business ventures, and certainly not in spiritual matters. Simply put, an accountability partner must be born again. Someone with the gift of exhortation is ideal.

Secondly, an accountability partner should be someone we can rely on. We should trust them to be discreet and keep confidential information confidential: “He who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered” «A talebearer revealeth secrets: But he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. », (Proverbs 11:13).

Accountability partners should be able to share intimate details about their struggles with sin. Some personal matters are disclosed that should not be shared with others. Due to the personal nature of many shared things, it is also recommended that accountability partners be of the same gender.

We should trust our accountability partner to have the courage to tell us the truth. The role of an accountability partner is not to always agree with us or boost our ego; we need someone to accurately assess our needs and guide us to Scripture. The truth may be painful at times, but we understand that “wounds from a friend can be trusted” «Faithful are the wounds of a friend; But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.», (Proverbs 27:6).

Having an accountability partner who is knowledgeable about the Word of God and shares it truthfully is crucial. It is through the Word of God that we are sanctified «Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.», (John 17:17). It is through the Word of God that “the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” «that the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.», (2 Timothy 3:17). When seeking an accountability partner, we should look for someone mature in the faith and capable of “rightly dividing the Word of truth” «Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.», (2 Timothy 2:15).

Lastly, a good accountability partner will understand forgiveness; we need a compassionate individual who will bear with us and forgive us as the Lord forgives (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32). The Holy Spirit is the only one who can bring about a change in someone’s heart. It is crucial that accountability partners—those who will come to understand each other’s struggles—do not try to “fix” one another. It is not the responsibility of one sinful human being to repair another. Each individual should examine their own sins closely and view the sins of others from a distance (Matthew 7:1-2). Selecting a judgmental, critical accountability partner will only lead to problems.

Lastly, it is essential that an accountability partner focuses on the positive. Accountability partners should concentrate as little as possible on sin and as much as possible on Christ. Spending time discussing the sins we struggle with is not in line with biblical teachings: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” «Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. », (Philippians 4:8). The key is to focus on Christ, on lovely things, trusting God to sanctify us, as He has promised He will «By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. », (Hebrews 10:10,14) «For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified. », (Hebrews 10:10,14).