What should be the response of a Christian whose spouse has had an affair?

Response

Infidelity creates a challenging and painful situation, involving a range of emotions that can test a Christian’s faith to its limits. The best course of action is to “cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” “casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”, (1 Peter 5:7). If you have been wronged, turn to the Lord for comfort, wisdom, and guidance daily. God can guide us through the most profound trials.

Adultery is always morally wrong. “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”, (Hebrews 13:4). The victim should find solace in the fact that God is the ultimate judge. There is no need for the wronged party to seek revenge. God will handle justice far better. When we experience betrayal, we must entrust the pain to the One who knows every detail and will address it appropriately.

PRAY. Seek the Lord for wisdom, healing, and guidance. Pray for yourself, the offender, and all others involved. Ask the Lord to guide your thoughts, words, actions, and decisions.

BE HONEST. A betrayed spouse will endure deep emotional pain. It is important to acknowledge and process the anger and hurt caused by infidelity. Expressing these feelings to God can be the initial step toward genuine healing (see Psalm 77:1-2). Surrendering our emotions and needs to God allows Him to minister to our hearts, enabling us to release the offense. Seeking godly counsel from a Christian therapist or pastor can be beneficial.

BE WILLING TO FORGIVE. We are called to forgive others as weWe have been forgiven «and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.», (Ephesians 4:32). We should be willing and ready to extend forgiveness to anyone, including a spouse who has had an affair, who comes to us in repentance, confessing his sin (Matthew 6:14-15; 18:23-35; Ephesians 4:31-32; Colossians 3:13). True forgiveness may not be accomplished for some time, but the willingness to forgive should always be present. To harbor bitterness is sin and will negatively affect everyday decisions.

BE WISE. We must consider the possibility that the unfaithful spouse does not repent of his or her sin. Are we to forgive a person who does not confess his sin and remains unrepentant? Part of the answer is to remember what forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not forgetting. We are not asked to forget the experience but to deal with it and move forward.

Forgiveness is not the elimination of consequences. Sin has natural consequences, and even those who are forgiven may still suffer as a result of their past choices: “Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished” (Proverbs 6:28-29).

Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a commitment to pardon the offender. It is a transaction made between the offended and the offender. Feelings may or may not accompany forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not a private, secret act within an individual’s heart. Forgiveness involves at least two people. This is why confession and repentance are required.

Forgiveness is not the automatic restoration of trust. It is wrong to think that forgivingAn unfaithful spouse today does not mean everything will be back to normal tomorrow. Scripture provides us with many reasons to distrust those who have proven themselves untrustworthy (see Luke 16:10-12). Rebuilding trust can only begin after a process of reconciliation involving genuine forgiveness— which, of course, includes confession and repentance.

Additionally, it is important to note that offering forgiveness is not the same as receiving forgiveness. The attitude of forgiveness— being willing to forgive— differs from the actual act of forgiveness. We must not bypass the process of confession, repentance, and rebuilding trust.

Forgiveness may be extended by the wronged spouse, but for it to be complete, the one who had the affair must acknowledge the need for forgiveness and accept it, leading to reconciliation in the relationship.

BE FORGIVEN. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” «If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. », (1 John 1:9). When a marriage is in crisis, both parties should seek God’s help to understand how each may have contributed to the situation and be freed from the burden of guilt before God. From that moment on, they will have the freedom to seek His advice and direction. Through His Holy Spirit, they will be empowered to do what they could not do on their own. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” «I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. », (Philippians 4:13).

With God’s guidance, genuine forgiveness and reconciliation become achievable. Regardless of how long it takes, every possible effort should be made to forgive and reconcile <a href="https://www.See Matthew 5:23-24. Regarding the decision to stay or leave, “whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful” “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”, Matthew 19:9, NLT. While the innocent party may have grounds for divorce, God’s preference is forgiveness and reconciliation.

In essence, when a Christian’s spouse has committed adultery, the offended party must guard against bitterness “looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”, Hebrews 12:15 and avoid repaying evil for evil “not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”, 1 Peter 3:9. We should be willing to forgive and genuinely seek reconciliation; simultaneously, we should not offer forgiveness to the unrepentant. In all circumstances, we must seek the Lord and discover our wholeness and healing in Him.