What does the Bible say about dealing with difficult people?

Answer

We all know individuals whom we consider “challenging” in various ways, and we all encounter challenging individuals at some point. A challenging individual may come across as condescending, argumentative, belligerent, selfish, flippant, obtuse, or simply rude. These individuals seem adept at knowing how to provoke and cause trouble. Managing challenging individuals requires patience, love, and grace.

Our approach to challenging individuals should reflect the examples set by Jesus, as He undoubtedly faced many challenging individuals during His time on earth. In His dealings with them, Jesus never exhibited an air of harsh superiority or dismissive pride; instead, He demonstrated authority with restraint. He employed rebuke when necessary “He that is of God heareth God’s words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.”, (John 8:47), but He also handled challenging individuals by maintaining silence “This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.”, (John 8:6), asking questions (Mark 11:28-29), referring them to Scripture (Mark 10:2-3), and sharing parables (Luke 7:40-42).

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus provided clear guidance on dealing with challenging individuals with love and humility: “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn the other also.”

To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:27-31). We must never give tit for tat: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” «not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that you should inherit a blessing. », (1 Peter 3:9).

In dealing with difficult people, we must guard against pride. It is important to recall the admonition given by the apostle Paul in Romans 12:3: “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you” (see also Philippians 2:3-4). So, when we know we must deal with a difficult person, we approach the situation in meekness. Love is also key: “Love your neighbor as yourself” «For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. », (Galatians 5:14). We are to show God’s love to everyone—including difficult people.

The book of Proverbs provides much wisdom in dealing with difficult people. Proverbs 12:16 promotes patience in our relationships: “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” Proverbs 20:3 commends peace-making: “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” Proverbs 10:12 encoura

God’s love: “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” Proverbs 17:14 emphasizes foresight and deference: “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” If possible, it might be best to avoid the situation altogether by choosing carefully whom we associate with: “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered” «Make no friendship with an angry man; And with a furious man thou shalt not go: », (Proverbs 22:24).

Dealing with difficult people is unavoidable. When we encounter difficult individuals, it’s easy to react impulsively. However, this only brings out the worst in us. How much better to let our interactions with challenging people manifest the fruit of the Spirit within us (Galatians 5:22-23)! Through God’s grace, may we handle difficult people with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and—last but not least—self-control. Let us show the same love, grace, and mercy that God has shown us. And let us be cautious not to become the “difficult people” ourselves!