What does it mean to exercise self-control (1 Corinthians 7:9)?

Answer

Self-control is encouraged in the Bible and is listed as a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Exercising self-control essentially involves learning to say “No” to our desires when indulging them would be inappropriate and contrary to God’s design. The need for self-control encompasses both our sinful inclinations and legitimate desires. For instance, sexual desire is a legitimate urge, being part of God’s inherently good creation; however, it must be restrained unless it can be expressed within proper boundaries. In contrast, the desire to steal is an illegitimate urge and is inherently wrong. In both cases, self-control is essential.

Interestingly, while modern culture generally applauds self-control in many aspects of life, it often fails to do so in the context of sexual activity among unmarried adults. The prevailing notion is that, since our sexuality is an integral part of our identity, we need not exercise restraint unless it ventures into illegal territory. However, disregarding God’s boundaries always leads to negative consequences (see Hebrews 13:4). In 1 Corinthians 7:9, Paul says regarding unmarried individuals, “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” The two biblical options for the unmarried are 1) get married or 2) exercise self-control. Self-control is important in matters of sexuality.

Ironically, contemporary culture is increasingly fixated on sex but rather dismissive of marriage. Recent statistics reveal that “2 in 5 adults think marriage is an outdated tradition” (https://thrivingcenterofpsych.com/blog/millennials-gen-z-marriage-expectations-statistics/, accessed 4/29/24). With divorces being more newsworthy than good marriages, the situation looks bleak. However, marriage is God’s idea. “Therefore shall a man leave his

He shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. », (Genesis 2:24). While some individuals have the gift of celibacy, our sexual desires naturally lead to a fulfilling covenantal marriage. Marriage is not a quick solution for sexual immorality, but it remains the proper context for expressing our sexuality.

Even within marriage, the virtue of self-control should not be overlooked. Adultery is a serious sin, often resulting from a lack of self-control. Therefore, while Paul recognizes the difficulties of practicing self-control, it is a trait that becomes evident in our lives as we aim to please the Spirit rather than giving in to our sinful nature.

Exercising self-control brings numerous advantages, not only for the individual practicing it but also for society as a whole. This emphasizes that God’s commandments are for our benefit. Naturally, our motivation for practicing self-control is not solely based on the benefits received; our objective is to become more like Jesus «For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. », (Romans 8:29).

Everyone, regardless of marital status or life circumstances, needs to learn self-control. “The grace of God . . . that offers salvation to all people . . . teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” (Titus 2:11-12).