Is it good to have close friendships with unbelievers?

Answer

As Christians, we must constantly confront temptations and the assaults of the world around us. Everything we observe, read, engage in, listen to, consume, etc., impacts us in some way. Therefore, to maintain a close bond with God, we need to set aside our former ways of behaving—such as the content we view on TV, old negative habits (excessive drinking, smoking, etc.), the activities we partake in, and the individuals we associate with. People are essentially divided into two groups: those who are part of the world and its ruler, Satan, and those who belong to God «to open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. », (Acts 26:18). These two categories are consistently contrasted throughout the Bible; for instance, those in darkness/those in the light; those with eternal life/those with eternal death; those who have peace with God/those who are at war with Him; those who embrace the truth/those who believe lies; those on the narrow path to salvation/those on the broad road to destruction, and more. Clearly, the biblical message emphasizes that believers are fundamentally distinct from nonbelievers, and it is from this standpoint that we must discern the nature of friendships we can genuinely have with unbelievers.

The book of Proverbs offers some insightful verses regarding believers forming relationships with non-believers: “The righteous should select his friends carefully, for the path of the wicked leads them astray” «The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour: But the way of the wicked seduceth them. », (Proverbs 12:26). We should steer clear of foolish people «He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: But a companion of fools shall be destroyed. », (Proverbs 13:20,14:7), from people who lose their temper easily «Make no friendship with an angry man; And with a furious man thou shalt not go: », (Proverbs 22:24), and from the rebellious «My son, fear thou the LORD and the king: And meddle not with them that are given to change: », (Proverbs 24:21). All these things represent those who have not been saved. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” «Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? », (2 Corinthians 6:14). First Corinthians 15:33 tells us that bad company corrupts good character. Unbelievers are slaves to sin «Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin. », (John 8:34), and Christians are slaves to God «For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant. », (1 Corinthians 7:22). If we become deeply involved (either by friendship or a romantic relationship) with non-Christians, we are setting ourselves up for turmoil. It can (and does often) cause the Christian to stumble in his walk, fall back into a sinful life, and also turn others away from God (by misrepresenting God.

Another detrimental effect of closeness with unbelievers is our tendency to water down the truths of Scripture so as not to offend them. There are challenging truths in the Word of God, such as judgment and hell. When we minimize or ignore these doctrines or try to “soft-pedal” them, essentially we are calling God a liar for the sake of those already in the grasp of Satan. This is not evangelism.

Although these close relationships are not recommended, it does not mean we turn our noses up and ignore unbelievers, either. Second Timothy 2:24-26 tells us that as servants of the Lord, we are to be kind to and not quarrel with anyone. We should gently teach those who oppose the truth and be patient with difficult people. Matthew 5:16 tells us, “Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” We should serve unbelievers so that they may see God through us and turn to Him in praise. James 5:16 says that there is great power in the prayer of a righteous person, so bring your concerns for unbelievers before God, and He will listen.

Many people have been saved because of the prayers and service of Christians, so don’t turn your back on unbelievers. However, having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly and easily turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers – but the primary focus of such a relationship should be to win them to Christ by sharing the Gospel with them and demonstrating God’s saving power in our own lives.