I am engaged to an unbeliever. What should I do?

Answer

There is no doubt that you are facing a challenging and painful situation. Your question indicates that you have not closed your ears to God and His good intentions for you. Your concerns stem from hearing God’s cautionary whispers of impending danger. The Spirit is guiding you towards righteousness.

As a child of God, you have a duty to do what is right, no matter how difficult it may seem. Focus on what God has revealed in His Word, and rely on Him to guide you in making your future decisions based on His principles and commands. The initial step is to stop living together with your fiancé or fiancée. The next step is to postpone the marriage.

The Bible teaches that believers should marry only other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14;see also 1 Corinthians 7:39—this verse specifically applies to widows, but the principle of “he must belong to the Lord” is present). Therefore, your engagement to an unbeliever poses a challenge.

Regarding your living situation, which troubles your conscience, it is wise to heed your inner voice. Romans 14:23 states, “But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning” (NLT). Your discomfort is not unfounded. The Bible is explicit about premarital relations: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality” «For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: », (1 Thessalonians 4:3)).

Your Christian testimony is at risk. Sexual sin is something God tells us to be very careful about: “Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” «But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; », (Ephesians 5:3). Living together before marriage definitely “hints” at immorality.

God does not want you to live in a state of sin, guilty feelings, or doubt. To have His full peace, follow Him fully. While your happiness, fulfillment, and usefulness to God are important, something else is even more important, and it should be your primary consideration: the exaltation of God’s name and the true reflection of His likeness in you. These are the main reasons that He gave you repenting faith to receive Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord. See 1 Corinthians 10:31–32 and Romans 8:28–30.

As a born-again child of God, you have a strong desire to do what is right and please the Lord in every way. The path to holiness is difficult and calls for radical change (see Matthew 5:29-30). But in the power of the Holy Spirit, you can do it.

Will you trust God enough to do what He says? Do you trust that He really knows what is best for you? Do you believe God has your best interests at heart?

Satan is a deceiver. He would like to trick you into believing that, once you make a poor decision, you are forced to make another, or that the only way to relieve the problems of one bad decision is to make a worse one. But God provides grace to renounce the past, to gain freedom from Satan’s deceptions, to take back the ground given to Satan, and to be restored to the Savior’s fellowship. Read James 4:1–10, focusing on verses 7–8.

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Trust the Lord to guide you in the correct path. His path surpasses anything the world can provide. “For a day in your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.”, (Psalm 84:10).