How should parents who are divorcing/separating deal with child custody issues?

Answer

No matter what the reason for divorce, whether biblical or otherwise, the challenges, heartache, and consequences of a married couple separating become significantly more complex when child custody issues are involved. While the Bible is clear that God detests divorce “For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”, (Malachi 2:16), God still acknowledges that divorces may happen as marriages involve two sinful human beings. He even established laws to safeguard the rights of those who have been divorced (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). However, the Bible does not provide specific guidance on how to address the issue of children caught between divorcing parents. This is likely because, as Jesus states in Matthew 19:8, divorce was never intended.

The divorce process often involves various negative emotions—such as anger, betrayal, bitterness, a thirst for revenge, and a multitude of harmful judgments against oneself and the spouse. However, when a couple has children and custody arrangements to think about, they must set aside their animosity towards each other and prioritize their children’s needs. The Bible teaches that children are blessings from God and He is concerned about their upbringing (Psalm 127:3;Psalm 34:11;Proverbs 23:13-14). Even after a couple divorces and ceases to be married, they remain the parents of their children and should treat the responsibility of parenthood, the care of God’s blessings, with the utmost respect and priority.

In the United States, child custody laws vary, but, generally speaking, the courts willThe court will grant custody based on the best interests of the children involved. The judge will consider various factors, including the children’s ages, parental preferences, willingness to support a relationship with the other parent, ability to provide a safe, stable, and loving environment, the children’s school locations, and possibly the children’s wishes if they can communicate their requests. The judge will also consider any substantiated evidence (or false accusations) of domestic violence, abuse, or neglect by either parent.

During a divorce, two types of child custody may be awarded—legal and physical—and both can be sole or joint. The legal custodian has the authority to make important decisions about raising the children, such as choosing their schools, extracurricular activities, and religious upbringing. The physical custodian is the parent with whom the children will reside.

When determining who makes decisions and arranges parenting time or visitation rights, it is important to set aside personal biases and prioritize the children’s well-being. Unless there are concerns of abuse, the other parent retains legal rights to reasonable access to the children after the divorce. Divorced parents should promote their children’s relationship with the other parent, despite any personal pain from the divorce. Spending quality time with both parents will ultimately benefit the children’s emotional well-being and their ability to cope with the loss and grief they may be experiencing.

Christian life should reflect reconciliation and forgiveness (Luke 11:4;Ephesians 4:32), even in divorce situations. Parents should avoid turning children against the other parent or fostering anger in them «And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord

», (Ephesians 6:4). While a divorced couple may need to work through their emotional turmoil, they must still exhibit godly behavior for the sake of their children and their faith (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). When children see their divorced parents treating one another in a godly manner, they have an opportunity to experience God’s peace through difficult times «Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: », (Hebrews 12:14).

Divorce is a strenuous and challenging life obstacle and is never a part of God’s original plan. When children are caught in the middle, the agony will undoubtedly increase. Yet Christian parents are called to persevere through these trials «Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. », (James 1:12); God can bring beauty from ashes «to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. », (Isaiah 61:3). Divorced parents would do well to pray regularly for their children, for their children’s relationship with the other parent, and for their own personal healing (Philippians 1:6;2 Thessalonians 3:3;3 John 1:4).

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, thaThe person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.”, (James 1:12)