How should I respond to unrequited love?

Response

Unreciprocated affection is a common theme in numerous novels, TV series, and films, and most individuals encounter a situation of unreciprocated affection during their adolescent years. Sally has feelings for Bob, but Bob is interested in Kate, who has feelings for Jeff. Unreciprocated affection may originate as innocent infatuations during childhood, but as individuals reach early adulthood, these emotions can become overwhelmingly intense, resulting in broken engagements, extramarital affairs, and feelings of despair. Christians are not immune to experiencing unreciprocated affection, so how should we react when faced with it?

Primarily, it is crucial to recognize that unreciprocated affection represents a form of loss. We must come to terms with the reality that when we love someone who does not love us back, we are experiencing grief. Grief is a profound emotion, yet it is an essential component of the healing process for a wounded heart. Certain losses can bring significant personal anguish, exacerbated by the reluctance to openly address them. Individuals mourning the loss of a loved one typically receive support and understanding from caring friends and family members. They can openly express their sorrow and receive empathy and compassion. However, when our grief is private, such as in the case of a miscarriage, a moral failing, or unreciprocated affection, we often endure the grieving process in solitude.

The grieving process for unreciprocated affection resembles mourning the loss of an unborn child. We mourn the potential that will never come to fruition. We are compelled to relinquish a beautiful dream that will forever remain unfulfilled. Additionally, we grieve over the emotions of rejection and inadequacy that accompany unreciprocated affection. Healing a broken heart requires time, just as physical wounds necessitate time to mend. Eventually, we can find solace in accepting that circumstances will not align with our desires.

After the initial period of mourning has passed, we can facilitate further healing by transforming our sadness into gratitude. There is a rationale behind why the affection we felt for someone was not reciprocated, allowing us to express gratitude to the Lord for shielding us from an unsuitable relationship. Clearly,The relationship was not meant to be, so we can turn a heavy heart into a grateful heart by recognizing that we were prevented from making a big mistake. We are to give thanks in every situation, not because God needs our thanks but because we need to give it “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”, (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Giving thanks, even when we are hurting, keeps our hearts in the right relationship with God. It reminds us that He is still in charge and He has a plan (see Isaiah 46:9-11).

We must be on guard so that we don’t turn unrequited love into a statement about our own worth as a person. Feelings of rejection are normal, but we cannot dwell on them. While sadness and disappointment are healthy and temporary, Satan would like low self-worth to become our new identity. He suggests that, since that person did not love us, no one ever will; we are, in fact, unlovable. And Satan will point to many “proofs” of our unworthiness. We need to recognize his tactics and intentionally reject his lies “casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”, (2 Corinthians 10:5). We can replace Satan’s lies with God’s truth. It may help to print out truths such as these and keep them in view:

• I am so loved by God that He gave His Son for me “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”, (John 3:16).

• It is God who is at work in me, molding me the way He wants me.

To be “For it is God who worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.”, (Philippians 2:13).

• All things (even this) will work together for good if I love God and want His purpose in my life “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”, (Romans 8:28).

• God is near to me when I’m hurting and is even now healing my heart “The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.”, (Psalm 34:18).

• God will meet all my needs, even for love, so I’m trusting Him for it “But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”, (Philippians 4:19).

Importantly, we need to move on. Unrequited love leaves a sting that lasts for a while, but we don’t need to keep revisiting it in our thoughts. We bid it goodbye and then set our sights on all God has for us in the future. There will be other loves, other opportunities, other people we know nothing about right now. There will be twists and turns, surprises and joys, and we need to prepare our hearts to receive them all. Philippians 3:13–14 can be the mantra of those recovering from unrequited love: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”