How should a Christian act toward a friend who comes out of the closet (as gay or trans)?

Answer

As Christians living in today’s culture, it is increasingly likely that we will have some friends reveal their sexual orientation as “gay” or “trans,” and we need to respond appropriately.

We must acknowledge certain truths about God and the human sin nature so that we can have a proper perspective toward others, including friends who come out. As Christians, we understand that all individuals require love and grace, including friends who disclose their sexual orientation. Additionally, as Christians, we serve as ambassadors for Christ “Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God.”, (2 Corinthians 5:20). Through Christ, we establish a relationship with the living God, possess the hope of eternal life, and can extend the offer of eternal life to others.

Our approach to a friend who discloses their sexual orientation as gay or trans varies depending on whether the friend identifies as a Christian. First, let’s explore what the Bible instructs us to do when an unbelieving friend comes out:

We should not sever ties with non-believing friends who come out as gay. Jesus willingly associated with sinners, including prostitutes and the outcasts of His society (see Luke 5:30;see Luke 7:34). Therefore, Jesus’ response to unrepentant sinners was to engage with them and convey God’s love. Following His example, we should reach out to friends who come out. We should discuss their experiences, aspirations, dreams, fears, etc. while also pointing them to Christ. It is important to refrain from making assumptions. Our non-believing friends who come out as gay should have no doubt about our love for them.

Certainly, love does not imply approval of wrongdoing.

During interactions, friends who reveal they are gay should be aware that we align with the Bible’s stance on homosexuality, which states that homosexual conduct is sinful (see Romans 1:26-27). In all discussions, we should heed Peter’s directive: “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience” (1 Peter 3:15-16). Therefore, we are tasked with conveying the truth about God, sin, and salvation, doing so with “gentleness and respect.” Most importantly, we honor the Lord Jesus Christ.

In Jesus’ interaction with the woman at the well, He exemplified godliness in His approach, His demeanor, and His communication (John 4:1-42). Although the Samaritan woman Jesus spoke to was not homosexual, she was involved in another sexual transgression: she had been married five times and was presently cohabiting with a man she was not married to. Jesus engaged her in conversation, establishing a connection with her “on the basis of their shared humanity” (www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/interacting-with-a-gay-identified-friend, accessed 1/24/24), asking her for a drink (verse 7). He proceeded to address her circumstances, highlighting her need for living water and a relationship with the Messiah. As a result of their dialogue, an entire Samaritan town was evangelized, and numerous individuals embraced faith in Christ (verses 39–42).

Similar to Jesus, we should aim for godliness in our approach, demeanor, and communication. When a non-believing friend discloses they are gay, we should utilize our friendship with that individual as a foundation to demonstrate genuine care and concern. It is crucial to recognize that he or she is a person, not a project. By maintaining the relationship, we can cultivate trust. In due time, guided by the Holy Spirit,, the door will be open for deeper conversations.

Those profound discussions with friends who reveal their true selves may involve a conversation about the distinction between homosexual attraction, homosexual identification, and homosexual behavior. Homosexual attraction (feelings of same-sex attraction) may not be a choice but rather a challenge causing inner conflict. Homosexual identification (accepting and coming to terms with these feelings) and homosexual behavior (participating in same-sex sexual activities), on the other hand, are conscious decisions. Our friends grappling with these issues should understand that feelings do not necessarily lead to identification or behavior.

Secondly, we will explore how we should respond according to the teachings of the Bible when a friend who professes to be a believer reveals their true self:

In the scenario where an individual who professes to be a Christian opens up about their true identity, the New Testament provides this instruction: “But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people” «But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. », (1 Corinthians 5:11). John Piper refers to this as “holy ostracism” and elaborates further: “This [verse] is describing a person who, without any sense that his Christianity is being imperiled, or his soul, is acting out homosexual desire in sexually active ways” (www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-should-christian-friends-respond-to-a-friend-who-has-entered-a-homosexual-relationship-and-moved-to-a-church-that-accepts-it, accessed 1/24/24).

Therefore, when an individual claiming to be a Christian opts to engage in one of several specific sinful lifestyles—Paul enumerates six sins—the rest of the church is instructed to refrain from fellowship with that individual. This does not imply rudeness, disrespect, or impoliteness. “Ho”Only ostracism” indicates a shift in fellowship. Believers must refrain from actions suggesting they still consider the individual in sin a fellow Christian. If the friend identifies as both a practicing Christian and a practicing gay individual, socializing together is no longer appropriate. The rationale behind the “holy ostracism” should be clearly and compassionately communicated to the friend. The objective is to encourage repentance and reconciliation.

When a friend discloses their sexual orientation, it is crucial to pray fervently, consistently, and with faith. Pray “in the hope that God may grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth” «in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; », (2 Timothy 2:25). Be filled with the Holy Spirit and demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit. “Revere Christ as Lord” «but sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: », (1 Peter 3:15). Ensure your “conversation [is] always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” «Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. », (Colossians 4:6).