How does one handle conflict in a marriage?

Answer

Because of the fallen nature of humanity, conflicts in marriage are inevitable, even for followers of Christ. Effective and loving communication does not come naturally or effortlessly to anyone. For non-believers, resolving conflicts can be challenging because without Christ, people lack the ability to love selflessly (Ephesians 4:22-32). On the other hand, Christians have the guidance of the Bible for navigating relationships. By applying biblical principles, we can effectively address conflicts within marriage.

The primary and most crucial principle in resolving relationship conflicts, particularly in marriage, is to love one another as Christ has loved us “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”, (John 13:34) and sacrificed Himself for us. Ephesians 5:21—6:4 outlines family relationships: we are called to show mutual love, prioritize others’ needs over our own, and submit to one another in love. This is especially crucial in marriage, where husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church and care for them as they care for their own bodies. Similarly, wives are called to submit to their husbands and show them respect (Ephesians 5:22-33).

While this may seem like a straightforward directive, the innate human tendency is to react rather than act proactively in relationships. Wives are often willing to submit to husbands who love them as Christ loved the church, and husbands are usually eager to love wives who respect and submit to them. The challenge arises when each party waits for the other to take the first step. However, God’s commands for husbands and wives are not based on conditions. Submission is not dependent on love,And love is not dependent on respect. Taking the first step in obedience, regardless of the actions of the other, goes a long way in breaking down conflict and establishing new patterns of behavior.

With that in mind, when conflict arises in marriage, the first step is self-examination “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?”, (2 Corinthians 13:5). After we have brought our concerns to the Lord and been honest with ourselves about our own failures or selfish desires, then we can approach others with our concerns. Furthermore, God designed believers to meet each other’s needs peacefully “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.”, (Colossians 3:15). We all need grace for our own mistakes, and we must have grace for others when communicating our needs and concerns “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”, (Colossians 4:6).

Communicating truth in love is the key to being heard because only when we communicate to others their value in our eyes will they be able to accept hard truths “but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”, (Ephesians 4:15). People who feel attacked and criticized will only become defensive, and at that point, communication inevitably breaks down. Conversely, people who feel we care about them and want good things for them will trust us to communicate with them in love and concern for their welfare.So, speaking the truth in love is crucial for conflict resolution. This is especially important in marriage, where ongoing close contact with a spouse who has let us down often brings out our worst. Hurt feelings lead to harsh words, which in turn lead to more hurt feelings. Engaging in the practice of thinking carefully and praying before speaking can break this harmful cycle. Godly communication can be summarized by treating others the way we wish to be treated, as stated in Luke 6:31. God teaches that peacemakers are blessed, and this is always the aim for Christians, as mentioned in Matthew 5:9.

There are various aspects to relationships, conflict, and communication, and the Bible offers abundant wisdom for living a godly life. Here are specific scriptural directives on how we should interact with one another:

To resolve marital conflicts, we should:

– Be at peace with one another – Mark 9:50
– Love one another – John 13:34; Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 3:11, 23; 4:7, 11, 12
– Build up one another – Romans 14:19; Ephesians 4:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:11
– Be of the same mind toward one another – Romans 12:16
– Give preference to one another – Romans 12:10
– Greet one another – Romans 16:16
– Esteem others as better than yourself – Philippians 2:3
– Serve one another – Galatians 5:13
– Receive one another – Romans 15:7
– Be devoted to one another – Romans 12:10
– Rejoice or weep with one another – Romans 12:15
– Admonish one another – Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16
– Care for one another – 1 Corinthians 12:25
– Show tolerance toward one another – Romans 15:1-5; Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13

Be kind and forgiving to each other – Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13

Submit to one another – Romans 12:10; Ephesians 5:21; 1 Peter 5:5

Comfort each other – 1 Thessalonians 4:18

Encourage each other – 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 3:13

Show compassion to one another – 1 Peter 3:8

Pray for each other – James 5:16

Confess your faults to one another – James 5:16

Accept one another – Romans 14:1; 15:7

To resolve marriage conflicts, we must not:

Be proud against each other – 1 Corinthians 4:6

Judge one another – Romans 12:16

Lie to each other – Colossians 3:9