How can Christian parents deal with empty-nest syndrome?

Answer

Anyone who has observed birds with their fledglings can attest to the matter-of-fact parenting techniques the birds instinctively adhere to: encouraging or nudging the baby out of the nest, showing the chick how to stretch and flap its wings, and teaching it to fly, land, and avoid prowling cats and other potential dangers. In the bird world, it’s all quite straightforward. There’s no sentimentality involved. Fledglings are gently pushed out of the cozy nest into the harsh world. Never has a nature photographer captured an image of a mother bird fretting as she ponders her purpose now that her nest is empty.

Birds may not experience empty-nest syndrome, but people do. An empty nester is a parent whose children have grown up and moved away from home. Empty-nest syndrome is the emotional downturn felt by parents when they bid farewell to their children and see them leave as adults. It’s the underwhelming sense of disappointment that often creeps into the hearts of parents who must adapt to a new phase of life, navigate changing relationships with their children, discover new activities for themselves, and grapple with thoughts of whether they adequately prepared their children for adulthood.

Christian parents have invested significantly in readying their children for the moment they depart from home. In addition to imparting essential survival skills, Christians have instructed their children to love God, love their neighbors, and cherish and understand the Bible (Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Matthew 22:35-40; 2 Timothy 3:15). Christian parents have exemplified God’s love and provision to their children (Matthew 7:10-12), and they have disciplined their children.Enabling them to enter the world with self-control and respect for authority (Psalm 103:13; Hebrews 12:10). Despite all the preparation, many Christian parents still experience empty-nest syndrome.

What guidance does the Bible offer to parents dealing with empty-nest syndrome, and is there a way to prevent the almost universal feeling of regret when children leave home?

First, it is important to recognize that unlike bird parents, human parents never lose their connection with their children. Christian parents can take several actions that will continue to greatly benefit and teach their children during the empty-nest phase:

1. Acknowledge that God’s flawless parenting acts as a safety net. Empty-nest syndrome is worsened by regrets about mistakes made while raising children. Without a doubt, all parents make mistakes. Moments of impatience, quick tempers, unwise words, and so on, have led to less-than-ideal situations. Divorce, premature death, addictions, or other traumas may have left scars on the family. However, God’s grand plans for our children are not hindered by imperfect parenting—otherwise, we would all be doomed. God does not waste any of His children’s experiences. Instead, He uses both positive and negative events to shape and develop our children into the individuals He intended them to be.

2. Pray for them. The impact of empty-nest syndrome can be lessened through prayer for our children. Part of cherishing our children is entrusting their growth and changes to their Creator. As our children transition into adulthood, they will encounter challenges, obstacles, struggles, victories, failures, and uncertainties. Ask God to safeguard them, empower them, grant them wisdom, maturity, and opportunities to strengthen their faith. Then, seek God’s help to release them.

3. Offer them a sanctuary. Empty nesters have not bid farewell to their children permanently.They will return home occasionally, and ideally keep in contact. Your children still require your parental love, guidance, and companionship. Embrace your children’s return to your home, support them, offer advice when requested, and cherish their presence.

4. Offer a secure environment for mistakes. When our children make errors, as is inevitable at times, we should provide a welcoming home that accepts them without criticism and provides a supportive environment for them to recover. We should not condone wrongdoing, but we can and should show compassion. The father of the prodigal son welcomed his wayward child with joy and a hug (Luke 15:11-27). There is no biblical verse advising us to say, “I told you so.”

5. Provide wise counsel when requested. It’s remarkable how, in the view of our young adult children, we suddenly become wiser and more perceptive as empty nesters. When our adult children seek our advice, we should be prepared to offer thoughtful, scriptural guidance.

6. Embrace this new phase of the relationship. Part of what makes empty-nest syndrome a bittersweet experience is recalling the past phases of our relationship with our children. We reminisce about the infancy stage and how we wished they would stay that way. And the toddler stage, the school years, the high school escapades— at various points in our relationship with our children, we may have believed it was the best phase, only to discover that each phase is deeply meaningful, full of challenges, and incredibly valuable. This new phase— the empty-nest phase— is equally meaningful and valuable. Our role as parents does not conclude; it simply transforms as it has from the beginning.

7. Seek God for what may come next in your personal growth. We are not retired when our youngest child ventures out into the world. The empty-nest years can be a time to engage in activities we had no time for during the active parenting years: host a Bible study.

Take a class, pursue a ministry, pick up a hobby, and more. Empty nesters face a new season, and we all continue to grow in our faith—parenting was not our only gig. What opportunities are open to us now? What promptings of the Spirit do we sense? It’s time to explore.

God has made for empty nesters our own kind of nest, a time and place where we can grow in new ways. In the end, the best course Christian parents can take in dealing with empty-nest syndrome is to remain steadfast in their love for each other, be committed to teaching and demonstrating biblical principles, and fill in the gaps with prayer, trusting God to lead their children in the way they should go “Thus saith the LORD, thy Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the LORD thy God which teacheth thee to profit, which leadeth thee by the way that thou shouldest go.”, (Isaiah 48:17). Christian parents can trust that the God who has provided for their own needs and used trials and experiences to grow their own faith will also do the same for their children. Jesus taught, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you [and your children] not much more valuable than they?” “Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?”, (Matthew 6:26). With God’s promise of provision, it’s good and right to encourage our fledglings from the nest.

The empty-nest years, like every stage of life, are to be lived in faith. Our Heavenly Father desires for us to trust in Him, come what may. As our children stretch their wings and take their first wobbly flights, we can be comforted by our and their Father, the One who gave them wings, the One ready to guide them, the One able to

catch them if they stumble.